32 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE:
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Insist that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniff incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more at any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Got an annoying habit that should be listed here? Tell us about it!
- Saying over and over again: ready, ready, ok, ready, ok, ok, ok, ready, ok, ready. (email@example.com 8/12/01)
- Chewing gum like a cow. (firstname.lastname@example.org 8/12/01)
- Hold out one long note for about 5 minutes. (email@example.com 8/12/01)
- Finding something that squeeks and squeek it for a long, long time. (firstname.lastname@example.org 8/12/01)
- Chew gum with your mouth open, making smacking noises. (email@example.com 8/11/01)
- Follow someone around with a can of Lysol and spray EVERYTHING that they touch and repeat everything that they say in a "Cold" voice (y'no, like if the person said, What are you doing? You say... Vat ah yooo doig?)' (firstname.lastname@example.org 6/3/01)
- When typing, only use your pointer finger. (email@example.com 5/30/01)
- Stand outside a church with your cd player playing Marilyn Manson with the volume maxed! (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/30/01)
- At a family party or picknic, cuss A LOT in front of the little kids loud enough for the adults to hear. (email@example.com 5/30/01)
- At a family gathering, wear a bunch of spikes to avoid the hugs from Aunt Gretchin. (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/30/01)
- When someone is walking next to you throw a book into their path (email@example.com 5/29/01)
- Say very abstract things like pigeons right in the middle of something serious. (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/22/01)
- Smoke cigars EVERYWHERE you go. (email@example.com 5/16/01)
- If you are a busty lady-try to get out of everything by complaining "it isn't easy carring these things around" (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/16/01)
- When someone is listen to a song, run around the room, screeming guitar chords and pretending to play an air-guitar! (email@example.com 4/18/01)
- Go to Wal-Mart with about 5 of your friends, steal all their wheelchairs/motorized-wheelchairs and drive them around the store. (Footnote: I actually did this about 4 years ago, not a good idea once you get caught...hehe) (firstname.lastname@example.org 3/29/01)
- Looping/never-ending midi's on a website, especially sucky ones like Britney Spears or Backstreet Boys. (email@example.com 3/29/01)
- Scratch and claw at your head, then bow your head down, run your fingers through your hair while shakng your head, and comment about how it looks like it's snowing. (firstname.lastname@example.org 3/29/01)
- Arrange your friend's carseat to where it's tilted to the extreme forward, then watch them get in their car and hit their head on the roof. (email@example.com 3/29/01)
- Order an ice tea, and when your put in your sugar, get a spoon and stir it rapidly while hitting every side of the glass, keep doing it for about 5 minutes. (firstname.lastname@example.org 3/29/01)
- When talking to a 800 operater insist that they are gay and then ask them for a date. (email@example.com 3/24/01)
- When paying for a delivered pizza, pay only in coins, and make sure that you drop every one on the floor in front of them. And only leave a 15 cent tip. (firstname.lastname@example.org 3/24/01)
- Mimic the expressions of your colleagues/classmates. (email@example.com 3/24/01)
- Stare at someone until they look back at you, then look away. Repeat, repeat, repeat. (firstname.lastname@example.org 3/24/01)
- During a meeting, start talking about how sexy your boss is. (email@example.com 3/24/01)
- Glance behind you about every 2 minutes. (firstname.lastname@example.org 3/24/01)
- Go into a fancy restaurant and look at the menu extensively. Ask what the special is. Ask the waiter to explain everything on the menu. then order a pair of pants. When the waiter says they don't serve pants, jump out of your seat yelling "no pants? what kind of a restaurant is this?!" and storm out. (email@example.com 2/22/01)
- Put mustard in the shampoo bottle. (firstname.lastname@example.org 2/20/01)
- Repeatedly pick at other peoples hair and put the pinch in your mouth. (email@example.com 2/18/01)
- When in the elevator dance around and pretend you are holding in your pee. (firstname.lastname@example.org 2/18/01)
- Walk in a room with people (you have to be butt naked) and stand around like the people with clothes on are stupid. because they are wearing clothes. (email@example.com 2/12/01)
- Chew really loud when you eat. (firstname.lastname@example.org 2/12/01)
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. dont use any punctuation either (email@example.com 2/10/01)
- Always bite your nails and spit them out on the people standing next to you, wheather you know them or not. It always annoys MY friends!!! (firstname.lastname@example.org 2/8/01)
- Go down to a video rental shop and go through there entire video catalouge asking "Do you have that in Betamax?" (email@example.com 1/21/01)
- Sing the same song over and over and over again. (Riddick1111@cs.com 1/7/01)
- Repeatedly remind people that you like carrots, and if they say anything, just repeat it, but with another noun, like: "I like monkeys" (firstname.lastname@example.org 1/4/01)
- While playing Monopoly, keep reminding everybody that you have a certain property, even though they dont want it. (email@example.com 1/4/01)
- In the supermarket, ask the salesperson where you find something that is right in front of you and when they tell you where to look, continuously look on the shelf just above where it is. They'll eventually get really pissed off! (firstname.lastname@example.org 11/15/01)
- Sing only one line of the chorus of a really crap song over and over saying you can't remember anymore words and when someone gets really annoyed and tells you the words, keep getting them muddled up. Believe me, it gets annoying. (email@example.com 11/15/01)
- Send jokes or excessively friendly e-mail to people who hate you. If they (repeatedly) tell you to stop sending them e-mail, (repeatedly) respond with excessively joyful phrases, such as "I'm so glad I could brighten your day!" Continue to send them e-mail. (firstname.lastname@example.org 11/6/00)
- Pick names at random out of the phone book, and enroll them in audio cassette/CD clubs. (Drive10558@webtv.net 10/30/00)
- Move the entire contents of your desktop under you desk. When your boss asks you why you have done this, inform him that, "It's safer down here." (email@example.com 10/3/00)
- Answer the phone "Hello is John there?". (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/30/00)
From email@example.com, 9/9/00
- Go up to everybody
and say "i am a purple antelope.", then stare at them questioningly
and turn around without saying anything else.
- While in school, tell every teacher a different way to pronounce your name or go by different names so that when they talk about you, they won't be able to agree on who you are
- Make weird popping and singing noises into the form of a sentence.
- Start saying an interesting sentence to somebody and don't finish it. (ex.:i couldn't believe when that girl actually!)
- Make bird noises constantly and if people ask (or tell) you to stop, reply by cocking your head to the side, making more noises, and attempting to peck at them.
- Write a long note or email to your friend(s) and tell them that you are very mad at them and don't want to talk to them and say that you can't believe that they would back stab you like that, then when they ask you about it, give them the silent treatment or if they send you an email back, don't reply .
- Go to those websites where the people tell about temselves and leave their email address and email them telling them how you remember the third grade and how you guys got in a fight and you could never forgive them .
- Wear all black to school or work or wherever one day and when people stare at you, make a gurgly screaming/growling noise and stare at them like you're going to kill them.
- Perhaps one of the most annoying habits a person can have is to laugh after each and every sentence. There is an individual in our office who can not utter one sentence unless it is followed by a laugh. Can you imagine having to listen to this person day after day and year after year. It is particularly apparent when you can hear their phone conversations. I can't wait to leave at night.... (firstname.lastname@example.org 7/17/00)
- Sit there glared at the TV and when someone is talking to you don't say a thing. (Hardbouer@aol.com 7/14/00)
- Bite your nails and "accidentally" spit them on your friends. (email@example.com 7/10/00)
- While looking at someone close to you, widen your eyes and say "Sometimes I dont think you get were I am coming from.... because sometimes, I just hear voices" when they are talkin about something you dont much care, and say it sarcastically. Then turn and walk away holding you head and yelling "Leave me alone!!!! Get out of muh Head!!!" (firstname.lastname@example.org 7/6/00)
- Call someone and say hello, then acted stunned for five seconds, act as if they called you... (email@example.com 7/6/00)
- Call randoms numbers from the phone book, when they answer say, is this Bill Clinton? After they protest, cry and say, "do you know what its like to be lied to?" (firstname.lastname@example.org 7/6/00)
- Call up family members, disguise your voice, and try to sell them something. (Cookie2266234@cs.com 6/24/00)
- My little cousin likes to get brownies and shape them like terds and put them in my stuff and then laugh his head off with his little friends. ;-) (email@example.com 6/20/00)
- When driving down the road honk at every car that passes you. (Jenzi2@aol.com 6/12/00)
- When a person has something to tell you, but won't or changes their mind, take a deep breath and say "tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me" repeatedly until you run out of breath. Then, take another deep breath and continue with "tell me tell me tell me tell me." Do this until the person tells you!! (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/28/00)
- Repeat all the ways to annoy people over and over again. (SnOwEaTeR182@aol.com 5/26/00)
- Order a Pizza, and when the delivery person arrives pay in coins. Be sure to drop all the coins an the floor in fron of them, and only give a 15 cent tip. (Chinisetea@aol.com 5/24/00)
- Next time someone at the office asks for change for a dollar, pull out a dollar bill and rip it in half, hand the half of a dollar to that person, and say that wasn't so hard and walk away. (Don573110@gateway.net 5/22/00)
From email@example.com, 5/19/00
- Walk stealthily
around supermarket aisles, checking for bad guys around corners with your
imaginary gun, humming "Mission Impossible."
- Set up full-scale wars with the army men at Toys R Us that take up the whole aisle (or wrestling matches with action figures)!
- Cower on the floor and cover your ears every time they make an annoucement over the intercom at work, the store, etc.
- When someone talks to you, keep peeking behind them, stifling a laugh the whole while.
- Give EVERYONE bunny-ears with your fingers.
- Tell everyone the same story over and over and over... as if it was the first time. When they remind you that they've heard it, ignore them and keep right on going.
- "Tag" everyone you pass in the hallways at work, then run for it.
- Wear big fuzzy slippers to work every day. Better yet--go barefoot.
From Leaky711@aol.com, 5/17/00
- Ask for the
aisle seat on a flight so "your hair won't get messed up"
- While someone is sleeping, wake them up and ask them, "Hey, what are you doing?"
- Use your MasterCard to pay off your Visa, and vice versa.
- Drive to work in reverse.
- Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
- Stare at people through the tines of a fork, pretend they are in jail.
- Make up a language and ask people for directions.
- Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and put it back in the wrapper.
- Sing along at the opera.
- (For women) When a man asks you if he knows you from somewhere, (provided that you don't want to talk to him) tell him yes, you are the receptionist at the VD clinic downtown.
- Be happy, happy, happy about EVERYTHING!!!!!! -- (Damills21237@aol.com 5/16/00)
- Stare people directly in the eye with your hand in your pocket while smiling wryly and repeating "pocket, pocket, what's in my pocket?" -- (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/14/00)
- Greet everyone on the elevator with a firm handshake and ask if anyone has chicklets. -- (email@example.com 5/14/00)
- While sitting on a crowded bus or elevator mumble to yourself "they warned me not to eat that burrito without taking beano first". -- (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/14/00)
- Stand near a busy street and just stare up into the sky. -- (email@example.com 5/14/00)
- Go to your nearest dollar store and ask for multiple price checks. -- (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/14/00)
- When you email someone, where it says subject put, "a very important secret that know one knows but everyone wants to know" and then in the actual letter put something like: sdwhevfhrevfhuvrdhjvdjhvhsjdvhvywergyugvjfjhdvhdjhsvcjdevfuysadvgfsdjvcjhsdvvjsduyvguydsvfuydevsdvcjds -- (email@example.com 4/29/00)
- Say hello to everyone who passes you. -- (firstname.lastname@example.org 4/27/00)
- Staple papers in the middle of the page. -- (email@example.com 4/17/00)
- Ask people what gender they are. -- (firstname.lastname@example.org 4/17/00)
- Page yourself in a public place and do not change your voice. -- (email@example.com 4/14/00)
- After anything anyone says say "I'm like rubber and your like glue what ever you say to me bounces off and sticks to you." -- (firstname.lastname@example.org 4/14/00)
- Try clicking a pen every five minutes and then saying its the last time. (DennisJH@worldnet.att.net 3/31/00)
- Walk into a library and pick a random book open and close it quickly. Then say that was a good book. (DennisJH@worldnet.att.net 3/31/00)
- Smack your lips like that freaking kid on the welches commercial everytime you take a drink of anything! (email@example.com 1/29/00)
- When you are in an elevator with other people start humming the elevator music very loudly. (Kidr428@aol.com 1/5/00)
- Call random numbers in the phone book and when someone picks up flush the toilet and then hang up. (firstname.lastname@example.org 11/26/99)
- Bring phone books to the movies and sit on them to block peoples view (email@example.com 10/23/99)
- Leave tissues dipped with mayonnaise on the floor. Tell your roommate's friends that he or she is disgusting. (firstname.lastname@example.org 10/23/99)
- When you're in the line at the bank, ask the guy in front of you if he knows how to unjam a pistol. (email@example.com 10/21/99)
- Go to disney movies in a theater and sing all the songs in the movies. (firstname.lastname@example.org 10/10/99)
- If you can,
make a kinda long, annoying e-mail signiture, Like mine. It should look
kinda like this:
0000000000 (email@example.com 10/7/99)
- ALWAYS ALWAYS make eye contact with a person who you are talking to. If you don't move your eyes from making direct eye contact, it will anoy them and/or freak them out. (firstname.lastname@example.org 10/7/99)
- Build snowmen at other people's houses that look real nice, normal and cute, Then at your house, Have a war and have snowmen parts lying on the road, and when a car drive over a "wounded" one, scream extremely loud like you were being driven over by a car. (email@example.com 10/7/99)
- Whenever someone talks to you pretend you're meditating. (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/30/99)
- If you really want to annoy people say 'what?' after every sentence they say. When they start ignoring you say you're going to stop saying what. Then say 'Why?' after every sentence they say!! (email@example.com 9/30/99)
- Change your name to a symbol. (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/27/99)
- Constantly interrupt someone with something that makes no sense. (email@example.com 9/27/99)
- While talking to someone stare at the middle of their forehead and move your head around without losing the middle of their forehead (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/26/99)
- putallyourwordssquinchedtogether (email@example.com 9/20/99)
- Save your toenail clippings, and put them in plastic bags for all to see. (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/17/99)
- Try taking the photos out of the frames and turning them upside down and returning them. (email@example.com 9/4/99)
- Hide the remote control in the freezer saying you wanted to save it for later. (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/4/99)
- Put on a Christmas pageant where you play every character. (email@example.com 9/4/99)
- Leave a massage on your answering machine with lots of noise and music in the background and say "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, but I'm holding a party that you weren't invited to." (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/4/99)
- Read over someone's shoulder but read ahead. Out loud. (email@example.com 8/20/99)
- After someone says something to you respond by saying either "I'll be the judge of that." or "Thats what you think." You decide. (firstname.lastname@example.org 7/20/99)
- Look over someone's shoulder while he/she is typing something on the computer. Then mutter about how awful it looked loud enough for them to hear. (email@example.com 6/14/99)
- Write: "This is a robbery!" on the reverse side of every deposit slip at your local bank. (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/3/99)
- Go to a drive thu and speak with a very sexy feminine voice, and when you get to the drive thru make sure they can only see a guy. (email@example.com 4/25/99)
- When somone is talking to you smile and nod though the entire convesation. (firstname.lastname@example.org 4/25/99)
- While at walmart throw things over the isles into another and make army battle sounds while doing it..its so funny! (email@example.com 4/22/99)
- Loudly call someone over and ask for the bathroom when standing right in front of it, and when they try to tell you interupt them complaining of how badly you have to go. (firstname.lastname@example.org 4/20/99)
- Type all X's to fill a page, in 9 point font; then on another peice of paper repeat with 12 point font; increase the font to size 16 and type all uppercase W's; when you have a complete page of garble make 2 additional copies and fax them to someone who just got a fax machine. wait 3 minutes and fax three blank pages. (anonymous entry 3/17/99)
- Stand on an ironing board on your driveway and pretend you're surfing and then wipe out and pretend you are drowning until someone saves you. (email@example.com 2/26/99)
- Finish people's sentences for them. (firstname.lastname@example.org 2/22/99)
- Say their name after every sentence you say. (email@example.com 2/17/99)
- Nod your head and agree to everything somebody tells you no matter what it is. He he. That will get them annoyed!!! (firstname.lastname@example.org 2/15/99)
- You refer to yourself as "The Holy One", and expect everyone else to do the same. (SunnyD9790@aol.com 2/14/99)
- Say this over and over again untill they scream! It's garanteed to work!: "Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a hole. I died there. There was lots of rats. Rats? I hate rats! They drive me crazy! Crazy, I was crazy once. They put me in a hole. I died there. There was lots of rats. Rats? I hate rats! They drive me crazy! Crazy.........you get the idea!" (email@example.com 2/12/99)
- Pretend you have an animal in your arms and 'pet it' and 'talk to it'. (firstname.lastname@example.org 2/12/99)
- Drive 45 mph in a 55 zone...then when the speed limit drops to 35, continue doing 45. Watch everyone still try to pass you. (email@example.com 1/17/99)
- Build snowmen in the middle of the road. and chase after the car who ran it over screaming. (firstname.lastname@example.org 1/5/99)
- Tell people to call you "your Majesty." (email@example.com 12/5/98)
- Bark occationally. (firstname.lastname@example.org 12/5/98)
- Hum contantly. (email@example.com 12/5/98)
- Eat half a potato chip and put it back in the bag. (firstname.lastname@example.org 11/16/98)
- Pretend you are invisible and when people talk to you, say "you can't see me." and run away. (email@example.com 11/16/98)
- Here's TEN additional annoyances, courtesy of John Ryan, 11/13/98.
- When talking to someone, never make eye contact! (firstname.lastname@example.org 9/23/98)
- Go up to someone and pick your nose then reply I think I've got a big one!!!! (email@example.com 9/13/98)
- During a conversation, say,"Do you know what I mean?" after every single comment/remark you tell the other person. ......ugh. I met a canadian over a vacation trip who would not stop saying that, especially with her accentto go along with it, to me during our conversation. I just wanted to scream, YES, I KNOW what you mean. How annoying she was!!!!!! (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/19/98)
- When in your friend's car, repeatedly push all the buttons on the dash and shift the car into neutral, insisting that you are saving them gas and electricity. (email@example.com 5/13/98)
- Ask everyone why they hate you. (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/13/98)
- Whistle the theme to "The Andy Griffith Show." (email@example.com 5/2/98)
- Repetitively tell your friends about your favorite TV show, which also happens to be one they hate. (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/2/98)
- Smash large holes in your friends car, and insist these, "speed holes" make the car go faster. (email@example.com 5/2/98)
- Scribble your name over every piece of paper you can find and insist you are "practicing wrinting my signiture for when I become famous". (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/2/98)
- Porpusely spel evry wurd rong wen tipeing ir riting an lettar tu somewon. (email@example.com 5/2/98)
- Tell your friends that you got them a great birthday present, then hand them a card. Claim that someday your signiture will be worth a lot of money some day. (firstname.lastname@example.org 5/2/98)
- Go around asking "Do little green men visit you every night?" to everyone you meet. (email@example.com 2/20/98)
- Sit on your front porch with a blow drier and point it at people as they drive by. (firstname.lastname@example.org 1/29/98)
- Before getting off an elevator press all the buttons. (email@example.com 1/29/98)
- Call the operator and ask what the number is for 911. (firstname.lastname@example.org 1/29/98)
- Go to your neighbors house every day and ask if they have a gallon of cream cheese you could borrow.(email@example.com 1/29/98)
- Walk onto a crowded elavator and walk over and face a corner or wall without saying anything. (JEFlischel@aol.com 1/9/98)
- Walk onto an elavator and say the names of the floors loudly as they come up and ask if this is anyone's stop. (JEFlischel@aol.com 1/9/98)
- Laugh out loud every time someone finishes a sentence. (Palmlady@gte.net 12/31/97)
- Call someone and ask for someone that you know is not there then hang up. Call again about a half hour latter and ask for the same person then hang up again. Wait another half hour and call again and ask for that person again and then hang up again and wait a hour and call the same number and say that you are the person that you have been calling for and ask if you had any messages. (firstname.lastname@example.org 12/7/97)
More annoying behaviors are also available on our 32 MORE Ways To Annoy People page, and our YET ANOTHER 32 Ways To Annoy People page!!